Noah Miguel | 24’
Noah likes to be dramatic (he’s french so we’ll forgive him). His main method of seduction is talking about Paris with a french accent. In fact, it is scientifically proven that if your girlfriend has met Noah in her life but is still with you it means you are her plan B. He likes to share his energy with the people around him but they usually want him to keep it to himself. He played soccer as a goalkeeper until he discovered that other goalkeepers had become taller after puberty when he didn’t. He makes great jokes (at least he thinks so). He wants to make comedy his life but he is still majoring in computer science because he wants to be able to eat after college.
Noor Jehan | 24’
Noor Jehan likes to creep people out by unsolicitedly psychoanalyzing them. She thinks it compensates for how short she is. It doesn’t. Comedy is her coping mechanism to keep her sane. She’s from Pakistan. She’s seen a lot. Lol. She loves a lot of things (cooking, acting, writing, etc.) but there is one thing she absolutely abhors: white people telling her they love how ethnic she is. way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
H Gog | 24’
After a brief hiatus from comedy, where some traumatic but greatly comedically inspirational events were experienced, H Gog is back in midnight woot woot. She is great at making herself laugh, especially in situations where she should not and dreams of being the foremost Mort impressionist in the world. She is unfortunately a serial biter - nails, lips, people she does not discriminate. She looks forward to channeling her endless energy into wreaking havoc across campus this semester.
Alex ArbitalJacoby | 23’
Dude, you wanna know what I heard? I heard Alex has literal rabies.
No, I’m not even joking — I swear! Don’t believe me? Check this one out yourself:
I heard the dude has three nipples.
Yes for real! I’m fully serious! Two of which lactate, by the way, but you didn’t hear that from me.
Honestly, the guy’s a real freak from what I’ve heard. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s great, but I’ve just heard things from other people that I’d look out for if I were you.
Sahil Fatehpuria | 23’
Sahil comes all the way from India, which is what he says every time he's asked for an interesting fact when introducing himself. He likes to pretend that living in another country can compensate for not being interesting himself.
Liya Mayer | 23’
30 seconds after this photo was taken, the candlelit a small part of Liya’s hair on fire.
4 hours after this photo was taken, Liya knocked her friend into a pile of trash because she saw a rat on the sidewalk and bolted.
Liya has lived neither of these instances down and stays away from hairspray and small mammals at all costs.
Liya’s prime skills are those of a grandma: knitting, baking, and pinching your cheeks upon greeting.
Hasan Alkhalidi | 23’
A proud dog dad and an aspiring science diva, you’ll probably find Hasan either roasting non-STEM majors about their life decisions or driving away potential mates with unsolicited physics facts.
Shlok Seth | 22’
Shlok is originally from India who came to the USA to find his passion. After a long struggle, he is still struggling but is on his path. A member of MCT, Shlok hopes to bring some laughs, smiles, and tears in the spectator's eye’s by connecting with his characters. An exploring enthusiast, he says his inspiration is Vasco Da Gama.
Jeanine Baton | 22’
Jeanine “Bedbugs” Baton is a very bubbly girl...just ask her gastroenterologist. Looks wise, she’s a not-so-solid 7...on the Bristol Stool scale. If it weren’t for her babies (the lice colony living on her scalp), she’d never bathe. But she tries to be a good host for her obligate ectoparasite babies. While she has had no luck finding medical masks small enough for the lice, don’t despair! For it seems they’ve reached herd immunity already. 😇
Jordan Ferrell | 22’
So listen up Jordan here has no idea what he’s doing so he thinks that if he just takes up space on this site no one will read carefully and just assume he’s done some amazing shit and knows what he’s doing. See, all he needs to do is just name drop some awards and put them in bold that way people think he knows what he’s doing NOBEL PRIZE WINNING like that see now their eyes see that but let’s keep it comedy oriented JOKES, HAHA see guys he’s getting away with it OH MAN, HAHA no that’s too many hahas they’ll get suspicious NOT HAHA that’s better. Just keep scrolling and hopefully no one will notice.
Argen Omurzakov | 22’
Argen, aka “Zaddy”: noun zad·dy /ˈzadē/
1. The slang term for a really "handsome" guy who is very appealing and looks really fashionable. He has to have swag and look sexy and attractive.
2. When you want the d so much you have to replace it with a z.
Matthew Cowie | 22’
Matthew is an avid collector of wrist watches and also a lefty. In this bi-manual-centric world he’d like gun reform, but will settle for thoughts and prayers instead.
Max Buettner | 21’
Meet Max Buettner, kwean of the fishies, twin brother of Sir Aidan Blaser. If you are in search of him, all you must do is walk the halls of Risley and you are sure to hear his call. If he eludes you yet, trek Ithaca’s frozen expanse and you may find him working at Louie’s Lunch, or perhaps you may find him embroiled in a League of Legends tournament in the dark recesses of Sage Hall. If you still cannot find him, never fear. His singing, as terrible as it is mighty, can be heard for miles. If you are lost, all you must do is follow your ear and he will be near.
Corinne Cioffi | ‘21
We recently found Corinne wandering on the streets calling people “doorknobs”. Born and raised in Staten Island, New York (yeah, we know), this Italian-Latina diva adds yet another level of gender inclusion for us (WOO!) She’s a linguistics major but don’t be fooled, she still has a horrible accent. You might Co-ringe when you see or speak to her, so you’re welcome for giving you another reason to NEVER visit Staten Island.
Aidan Blaser | ‘21
Treasurer: Fall 2019–Spring 2021
You are in the presence Aidan Blaser, son of Robert, breaker of wind, commander of cephalopods, conqueror of A.D. White Library, rider of Snuffleupagus, wielder of the spectral blade Sir Spooks, and rightful heir to the Acorn Kingdom. Please remove thy socks as an offering to both him and his elder god, Azathoth. Don't get too close, he's a biter.
Abby Lerner | ‘21
PR Director: Fall 2019–Spring 2021
Abby was forced to be here for “gender inclusivity” reasons, satisfying the group’s Title IX requirements, as mandated by Cornell. We usually keep her in a cardboard box labeled “WOMAN” in the basement of Morrill Hall, but she has recently escaped. If you see her do not approach, she will bite. Simply back away slowly and tell her that you think she’s funny and no harm will come to you. If you see her anywhere on campus please call 919-360-7244. Seriously, call. See what happens.
Grady Owens | ‘21
Vice President: Fall 2019–Spring 2021
Treasurer: Fall 2017–Spring 2019
Major Grady Owens (b.189?) was born to a middle-class family in the small frontier vacation city of Lake Wales; not much is known about his life before his appointment to the Officers Academy in Lake Wales, but it is suspected that he spent time working on various railroad projects and shooting home movies (some of which are in the Imperial Lake Wales City Archives, filed under propaganda). From 1910 to 1914 he attended the Officers Academy in Lake Wales, in 1914 he was stationed to the First Highlander Battalion in the Southern Frontier Regions; he quickly climbed the ranks and earned a commission as major sometime after the battle of Fort Meade, gallantly defending his position from the advancing barbarian horde. In 1917 he retired from the Grand Army of the Republic and took up tenure at Cornell University, he now teaches Archaeology and is a prolific Ballroom Dancer.
Spencer Blumenberg | ‘21
President: Fall 2019–Spring 2021
PR Director: Fall 2017–Spring 2019
You can ask Spencer what he wants for dinner and he’ll say, “I don’t care” because he’ll complain about it either way. Spencer comes from sunny, fire-prone Los Angeles and won’t shut up about it. He’s an English major — which is to say he’s got an em-dash fetish and never finishes readings. You can find him at Zeus burning money or in Statler, selling his soul for a Business minor.
Weston Barker | '21
President: Fall 2017–Spring 2019
Weston’s favorite moment on any stage will always and forever be in the troupe’s first sketch when he was asked: “Well hello there, son! How was your day at business school?” as he hold a briefcase full of fake fish, shivering and soaking wet. To be back in that moment, one of tremendous uncertainty, creative brilliance from all present, and a theatre packed far beyond the fire code regulations… well, he would give up quite a lot to revisit it.
Arya Burke | '21
Member: Fall 2017–Spring 2018
Arya is funny, and in the third person.
Sourabh Chakraborty | '20
Member: Fall 2017–Spring 2020
Sourabh hails from the great state of New Jersey. He claims to know how to Mongolian throat sing, but nobody can hear the sounds he's supposed to be making.
Zvonimir Stojanovski | '18
Member: Fall 2017–Spring 2018
Zvonimir has frequently been told that he sounds evil, which may or may not have something to do with his background. This has led to suspicion that he is a vampire, a James Bond villain, etc., which he has never expressly denied. This suspicious character has an artistic side as well, having written and directed a musical comedy about the Croatian war.